Sorry- the festive fun is officially over and it’s time to face the music. Here are the worst things about dragging yourself back to the office...
1) YOU COME BACK TO 800,000 EMAILS
You virtuously set aside a day in the holidays to go through your inbox, but ended up sitting in front of the TV in your pants watching Love Actually instead. Now there’s nowhere left to run.
2) NO TREATS TO GET YOU THROUGH THE DAY
You could JUST ABOUT tolerate work when bacon sandwiches and the biscuit tin reared their lovely heads.
But thanks to post-Christmas detox plans, anything fun is now off the menu and instead you can only enjoy picking miserably at a plate of leaves.
3) IT’S BALTIC OUTSIDE
Nothing fun about leaving your snuggly cocoon when it’s appoximately -30C outside. Then you’ve got to spend a lifetime de-icing your car which makes you late for work anyway. Gah.
4) SOMEBODY IS STARTING THE YEAR OFF £26.4 MILLION RICHER THAN YOU
According to the National Lottery, one jammy ticket holder landed £26.4million on the New Year’s Eve Jackpot. CONGRATULATIONS (said through gritted teeth).
5) YOU’VE GOT TO ACTUALLY (GASP) SPEAK TO PEOPLE
Who even are your fresh-face colleagues who prance in on the first day back and gleefully ask how your Christmas and New Year was? You can barely even mutter a ‘meh’ in reply. Please don’t talk to me, ever.
6) EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE OFF
Most schools haven’t even re-opened yet. How come kids get all the fun?
7) EVERYONE IS JUDGING YOU FOR PUTTING ON FIVE STONE
Nope, it’s not just paranoia- your colleagues have definitely cottoned on to the fact you seriously overdid it on the potatoes and are now shooting you judging/pitying looks.
There isn’t enough fluffy jumper in Christendom to conceal your fatness.
8) YOU KEEP WRITING ‘2016’ ON EVERYTHING
Tasks take twice as long because, in your hungover state, you fail to remember what year it actually is.
9) MORE CHRISTMAS FUN IS ALMOST A YEAR AWAY
We’re already counting down the days till we can hang up our office hats and head straight for the pub.